The Politeness Policy
We choose what we eat, and we don’t “Yuck” someone else’s YUM!
No stress, parents! No pressure, kids! Let’s just eat!
Kids thrive in a structured environment, and my Politeness Policy sets clear roles, and responsibilities for parents and kids to navigate a stress-free mealtime experience.
DOWNLOAD THE POLITENESS POLICY
How the Politeness Policy Works
Set the playing field for a successful meal by giving your child a parental framework about food and the rules for engagement, while also empowering them to choose how/if they interact with their food at mealtime.
Be “considerate”, but don’t “cater”
One meal, one family and NO short order cooks! Everyone has the opportunity to interact with the same foods at mealtime, and every meal is guaranteed to include one “safe food” for your picky eater. Each family member chooses how to nourish their bodies, and that’s it!
“The Politeness Policy” transforms your child into a bonafide food critic and asks him/her to replace “Eeww”, “Yuck”, and “Gross” when exploring food that is not palatable at the moment with my magic phrase, “I don’t prefer it." At dinner time, invite your child to interact with the new food by using their four senses and ask them to share what they see, smell, touch or taste while exploring new and unfamiliar foods at mealtime.
Indirectly Encouraging Small Frys to Explore New Foods
Taking a step back, and playing with new foods actually counts towards positive food exposures!
Every child's starting point is different; one child may start by describing what they see on their plate (and that's progress for that child!), while another child may be ready to smell or taste the new foods. Encouraging your child to explore what's on their plate doesn't include words like "Just take a bite!" "You have to eat that!" or staring at them across the dinner table as if they are being interrogated at dinnertime! Rather, you and your family can indirectly encourage by modeling positive mealtime practices like describing what YOU see, smell, touch, and taste on your own plate and allow your children to see you genuinely enjoying your meal.
The images below show many examples of new-food-friendly plating side-by-side with the adult plating. By splitting out the components of the adult meals, your small fry's are able to interact with the food at their own pace.
Also, starting with small portions of new foods is far less intimidating for your child and also eliminates the frustration of wasted food. For example, two sprigs of broccoli on a plate may look inviting to a picky eater, while a pile of 5 or 6 florets is scary. Here is an example of how I plate new foods for my three Small Fries. At dinner time, they see my plate all mixed together, and they receive a "tasting plate" where they are offered small, segmented portions of the same meal they can begin to explore and see what they prefer all together or kept separate. I always offer seconds of anything on their plate they finish, but keeping the initial portions small is key to getting them to explore something new.
Over the years, I have heard some very creative descriptions of food! My kids have described an olive as “a puckery, salty grape!”, Moroccan stew as “hamburgers w tomatoes that were in a campfire," and my parmesan chicken tenders as “a cheesy chicken French fry!”. Having a child pause to think about what their food is tasting like, opens their minds to the complex and different flavors of their meal. It may take adults at the table to model the behavior at first, but quickly it becomes a fun game the kids will enjoy! Need help with how to describe food to your child? Here are some ideas to get you started on the first fork!
Let your child explore what flavor combinations look good to them, at their pace!
Politeness Policy's #1 Rule
Don't Yuck Someone Else's Yum!
Kid's from all over the world enjoy eating vastly different types of foods, and reminding kids that their tastebuds are still developing and changing can curb some of the knee-jerk reactions they have to new foods. Even though they may not prefer certain food, it doesn't mean it isn't the favorite food of the child next to them, and that their negative reaction may hurt his/her feelings.
Often times, when I hear "GROSS! Oh, I don't like onions/fish/avocado" from a hesitant Small Fry its because they either have never actually interacted with said food, or their parents gave up on food exposures after a handful of tries. If asparagus isn't on their plate kids can't learn to enjoy it. There is no downside to putting a small portion of new foods consistently on your child's plate, and at some point, they may surprise you!
See, I chose "17 times" for a few reasons. Firstly, it's right in the mid-line of all the recent studies I have seen come out about food exposure. Studies are all over the map on how many "exposures" a child needs in order to officially say they don't like a certain food, and many factors come into play such as the age of the child, developmental stage, family eating patterns, and even genetics! More importantly, the number 17 is juuuuust quirky enough to stick in a Small Fries brain and creates a fun game for picky eaters.
Not surprisingly the “17 times” concept spreads like wildfire with kids. Soon, you’ll find yourself getting corrected by your little ones when you say “I don’t like blue cheese” to which they will reply, “And, have you tried it 17 times?” “Don’t you mean, you don’t prefer blue cheese, Mommy” with a devilish smirk. By removing the absolute definitiveness of the phrase “I don’t like” from their culinary vocabulary, it allows your children’s minds to unconsciously stay open to try new foods.
As part of the politeness policy, in exchange for their modified behavior, children are guaranteed to always have something on their plate at mealtime that you know they love, and I don’t care if it’s quartered-up Wonder Bread and ketchup sandwich (Did I mention YOU will have one of these quarters on your plate, too?).
Also, give your child the opportunity to either choose where everyone sits (parents seats included!) or what color placemat, glassware, and/or utensils are being used.
Including them in the decision-making process makes them feel part of the mealtime experience, and that everyone is being treated with respect and kindness.
In each LilPinkiesUp Cooking Class, my Small Fries learn how to properly set the table!
You and your family CAN do this!
Now that you have the Politeness Policy taken care of, move onto describing new tastes with the four food senses!
